EU individual paragraph

Paragraph Brainstorming

Original Paragraph:

A topic I would gladly look into is food safety in the EU.  The European Union is known to have rather strict and environmental friendly laws but barely anyone can really pinpoint what exactly these are. What are the rules concerning the use of pesticides or herbicides? Is the disposal of genetically modified food allowed? Does the meat that we eat come from animals that were fed with natural feed or with concentrated feed? All these questions come to my mind when thinking of food and I must admit that I am not able to answer them. What I do know though, is that food safety and health should be more important and that is why I would like to find out more about it. The people aware and interested in how healthy or unhealthy our nutrition is are a dying species. Being aware of what decision the EU makes when it comes to health-related issues should be more important. After all, it is true to say that “you are what you eat”.


Feedback Summary One:

Altogether my paragraph has received quite positive reviews. Still, there were a few flaws that Katrin and Orsolya uncovered and they gave me advice as to how to correct them and how to improve the paragraph. The first things they corrected were two mistakes concerning grammar. They reminded me that in the second line, where it says “to have rather strict and environmental friendly laws”, it is necessary to use “environmentally”, thus the adverb.  They added a missing comma to another sentence which was very difficult to understand without it and also condensed a clause that included too many prepositions. According to them, the topic sentence was okay but not really strong. I completely agree because it does introduce the topic but to I think it would be beneficial to rewrite it. Lastly, they took a look at the register of my text and came to the conclusion that it is formal enough. I personally feel like it is not as formal as it should be and that is why I consider it best to add “register” to the list of things that need revision.

Revised Paragraph Nr.1:
 
Food safety regulations in the European Union are a topic that the majority of European citizens are unaware of.  The EU is known to have rather strict and environmentally friendly laws but barely anyone can really pinpoint what exactly these are. What are the rules concerning the use of pesticides or herbicides? Is the disposal of genetically modified food allowed? Does the meat we consume come from animals that were fed with natural or concentrated feed? All these questions come to my mind when thinking of food and I must admit that I am unable to answer them. What I do know though, is that food safety and health should be more important and that is why I would like to find out more about it. The people aware and interested in how healthy or unhealthy our nutrition is, are a dying species. Being aware of what decision the EU makes when it comes to health-related issues should be more important. After all, it is true to say that “you are what you eat”.

Final Paragraph Nr.1:

Food safety regulations in the European Union are a topic that the majority of European citizens are unaware of.  The EU is known to have rather strict and environmentally friendly laws but barely anyone can really pinpoint what exactly these are. What are the rules concerning the use of pesticides or herbicides? Is the disposal of genetically modified food allowed? Does the meat we consume come from animals that were fed with natural or concentrated feed? All these questions come to my mind when thinking of food and I have to admit that I am unable to answer them. What I do know though, is that food safety and health should be more important and for that reason I would gladly inform myself on the matter. The people conscious of and interested in how healthy or unhealthy our nutrition is, are a dying species. Being aware of what decision the EU makes when it comes to health-related issues should be more significant to us citizens. After all, it is true to say that “you are what you eat”.

Final Paragraph Nr.2:

Food safety regulations in the European Union are a topic that the majority of European citizens are unaware of.  While the EU is known to have rather strict and environmentally friendly laws, hardly anyone can really pinpoint what exactly these are. What are the rules concerning the use of pesticides or herbicides? Is the sale of genetically modified products allowed? Does the meat we consume come from animals that were fed natural or concentrated feed? All of these questions come to mind when thinking of food and I have to admit that I am unable to answer them. What I do know, though, is that food safety and health should be more important and for that reason I would gladly research the matter. The people conscious of and interested in how healthy or unhealthy our food is, are a dying breed. Being aware of what decisions the EU makes when it comes to health-related issues should be more significant to us citizens. After all, “you are what you eat”.